I was chatting with someone yesterday who was very distressed and hopeless. It was heart-breaking. I soon realized that so many others are in the same boat as she is. I wish I had an answer to make her pain and suffering go away, but I didn’t. The factors that can affect our experience through withdrawal are endless. How is our attitude? Do we have a positive outlook? What’s our anxiety level? How about our physical health? Do we have a good doctor to help us taper? Do we have other mental difficulties? Are we on other psych meds? Have we tried to withdraw before? Do we have a good doctor to help us withdraw? Do we have a support system? Or, as was the case with this woman, are we all alone? When I went through withdrawal, I suffered and struggled just as so many of us do. Since I’m still in protracted withdrawal, some of that is still going on. But one thing, above all others, made my experience bearable. I had a support system. I had medical professionals, friends, family, and a loving and devoted wife. Oh, and my dog. Don’t forget Bear. Anyway, I was incredibly blessed to have all of these people (and animals) in my life. But that is not the case for everyone. I can’t imagine what going through benzo withdrawal would feel like if I were truly all alone. So, my conversation with this woman gave me an idea for this blog posting. I dug around in my drafts and found a chapter I wrote for my book which didn’t make it into the final version. It was all about preparing to withdraw including sections on stabilizing, taking charge, educating yourself, developing your tools, building your team, and setting your boundaries. In the section on building your team, I laid out four areas where we all may need support: Personal, Community, Medical, and Financial. I decided to share with you the “personal support” topic for today’s news post. I realize that it may not help those who are all alone and in protracted withdrawal, but perhaps it might help a few who are just starting out and can prepare to make their experience just a little bit easier. This following excerpt is written in the Q&A format of the book, “Benzo Free.” Tell me about personal support? Personal support can be a spouse, partner, friend, family member, or even a devoted acquaintance. Sometimes a mix of all the above. The primary requirement here is to have people in your life that you can rely on. I was lucky. So incredibly lucky. I have a loving wife who also happens to be my best friend. She has provided me with unyielding love, support, and friendship. She allowed me time to heal and struggle when I needed to but also provided me a kick-in-the-butt when I needed to get off my ass and get on with my life. She even read “The Ashton Manual” from front to back so that she would better understand my experience and what I was going through. I am so very blessed, and I know it. In addition to my wife, I had a collection of family and friends to support me in this endeavor. My parents were amazing. Even though they are in their 80s and my dad is struggling with Alzheimer’s disease, they have been there for me day in and day out. And my best friend (outside of my marriage), a counselor at a community college in Kansas City, provided constant wisdom, kindness, and friendship over many difficult years. What if you don’t have someone? That is a tragic, and far too common situation. Especially with people struggling with benzos. I understand that not everyone has someone in their life who they can truly rely on. Still, it is good to see if you can find someone to help. Perhaps it is just a neighbor who can do a little shopping for you on those days you can’t get out of bed. Perhaps it is a friend from work who can help you keep up with the latest demands from your boss. Perhaps it is a family member in another state who is willing to lend-an-ear on the phone when you just need to hear another’s voice. Perhaps it is all the above. Relationships are critical to human health and happiness. In benzo withdrawal, this is even more important. Unfortunately, the withdrawal itself can make it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship for several reasons. Just at the time when we need it most. But that is no reason to give up. But I’m pretty much a loner. Are relationships really that important? A 75-year Harvard study found that relationships are the single most important key to happiness. And yet, social isolation is currently on the rise. About a third of Americans aged over 45 say they are lonely. In fact, half a million Britons over the age of 60 usually spend each day alone. And this doesn’t bode well for our health. According to an article in the New York Times titled “How Social Isolation Is Killing Us,” the author notes that “isolated individuals are twice as likely to die prematurely as those with more robust social interactions.” I am not good at making friends. I was, back in school, but not so much anymore. I do my best to reach out to my wife and try and tell her how much I appreciate her every day. But as for others in my life, well, there I struggle. My closest friend outside of my marriage lives in another state. I have lived in Colorado for almost twenty years now and I still haven’t made a new friend even remotely as close as the ones I formed in my youth. Perhaps this is common, I don’t know. Regardless of your current situation, friends don’t come along out of the blue. You need to put effort into it. With relationships, you definitely reap what you sow. If you want to know something you can put effort into that might reap the greatest rewards for both your psychological and physical wellbeing, it would be hard to beat time spent on your relationships. And remember, relationships require patience. I listen to people on the benzo boards sometimes complain that the people in their lives don’t understand what they are going through. And they are right, they probably don’t. So, help them. Try and have as much patience with them as you want them to have with you. Caregiving for someone going through benzo withdrawal can be an arduous process. Have patience for them. Take what you can get and try to treat the people in your life with kindness. You need them, trust me. And don’t rely totally on the Internet for all your interactions. While it is a great source of support and caring from the benzo community, it cannot replace face-face communication. We are humans, and we need direct human interaction. We need dialog. We need to see people we are speaking to. And we also need touch. We can’t get those things online, we need them directly in our lives. Have you ever noticed what a warm hug from a friend or family member can do to your stress levels? It’s amazing, The stress can just pour out. I know that all this relationship talk is making some of you uncomfortable. I get that. If social phobia is an issue for you, then absolutely know your boundaries and make those work for you. But find some way to develop and enhance relationships in your life. It just might save it one day. So, if you are preparing to withdraw from benzos, perhaps now is the best time to shore up your current relationships and maybe even create a few new ones. It can’t hurt, trust me. Withdrawal can suck, but having people to help you through it can make a world of difference. D E Foster References Khullar, Dhruv, “How Social Isolation Is Killing Us,” NY Times, December 22, 1026, accessed January 2, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/22/upshot/how-social-isolation-is-killing-us.html. Smith, Emily Esfahani, “Friend Zone: Why We All Long to Belong,” Guardian, January 15, 2017, accessed January 15, 2017, https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/15/friend-zone-why-we-all-long-to-belong. Wikipedia, “John Donne,” last modified April 1, 2018, accessed April 13, 2018, https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/John_Donne. Disclaimer Not Medical Advice – Information presented on Benzo Free and in the Benzo Free News Blog is not medical/health advice. It is strictly for informational purposes only. Withdrawal, tapering, or any change in dosage of benzodiazepines or any other prescription drugs should only be done under the direct supervision of a licensed physician. Please read our site disclaimer for more information.

Thank you for your interest in “Benzo Free.” Today’s message is focused on the website and the Benzo Free community. I’ll admit, it’s pretty small right now. The book was published in late August and the website followed on the 1st of September. I’ve spent the past few weeks grinding my teeth as I struggled with a trial and error method of marketing both. Marketing is not my forte, not by a long-shot. I had some minor successes, but since I’m a rookie in the world of SEO and social media, it’s been an uphill battle. Still, we are slowly starting to build a following, and for that, I am very grateful. I’ll keep today’s message brief. We need your help. Here is an excerpt from our About Page which elaborates on the issue… The Benzo Free Website is a Community Site. Although it was initially created and started by one person, our true goal is for this site to grow and expand with the support and help of the benzo community. All of our information is only as good as the time and effort that goes into it. To put it simply, we need your help. Please provide us feedback including ideas, updates, additions, corrections, personal stories, and any other information you can think of that might be of interest to our readers. If you are interested in writing articles for our news or adding to our informational pages, let us know. We look forward to working with the amazing people in the benzo community and hope we will hear from you soon. Thanks for your help. The easiest way to provide feedback is through our online contact form (https://easinganxiety.com/feedback). Since this organization is still run by one person, myself, these messages go directly to my inbox. I look forward to hearing from you and thanks for taking the time to say hello. Take care and taper slowly, D :) D E Foster

The Associated Press reported yesterday that between 2002 and 2007 the CIA investigated the use of benzos, in particular, midazolam (Versed), in the interrogation of terror suspects. In a recently declassified report provided to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), details of this drug research program were revealed. Versed was considered possibly worth a trial if unequivocal legal sanction first were obtained. There were at least two legal obstacles: a prohibition against medical experimentation on prisoners and a ban on interrogational use of ‘mind-altering drugs’ or those which ‘profoundly altered the senses.’ — Declassified Government Report The CIA ultimately decided not to ask the Justice Department to approve the program and had no official comment on the report’s release. The program informally called “Project Medication” was shelved and according to the report, would not be reactivated. In 2017, after two years of legal battles by the ACLU, a New York federal judge ordered the CIA to release the report. Still, portions of the report have remained classified and the ACLU continues to litigate for the release of the entire report. Please read the AP article by Deb Riechmann for the complete story: https://apnews.com/e4bc055b4fee4e0d9f47ab14adc2c173 by D E Foster References Bowden, John. “CIA considered use of anti-anxiety drug in terror suspect interrogations: report.” The Hill. November 13, 2018. Accessed November 14, 2018. https://thehill.com/policy/defense/416485-cia-considered-potential-truth-serum-for-terror-suspects Riechmann, Deb. “CIA considered potential truth serum for terror suspects.” Associated Press. November 13, 2018. Accessed November 14, 2018. https://apnews.com/e4bc055b4fee4e0d9f47ab14adc2c173

Finally, the courts have reached a settlement for the family of John Patrick Walter to the sum of $4.25 million. Please help us spread this story. The more people who hear about Walter and others who have shared is fate, the sooner our justice system will realize the true dangers of benzo withdrawal and take this situation seriously. For those who have read my book, you may remember Walter’s story. If not, please read the excerpt from my book below. Please note, this story may be disturbing to some, especially if you have heightened sensitivity to people in distress, particularly those in withdraw. If that is the case, you may want to skip the remainder of this post. ***** EXCERPT from Chapter 7 of Benzo Free ***** There’s a story that I need to share here. It’s a story that happened right here in my home state of Colorado. This is just one of many stories across the U.S., and perhaps around the world, that can and do happen when people addicted to benzos have to confront the justice system. In April of 2014, John Patrick Walters was arrested on charges of first-degree assault, felony menacing, and reckless endangerment after getting into a fight with an acquaintance. He didn’t have money for bail, so he was held in the Freemont County Jail until his arraignment when he would be formally charged. During his intake, Walter informed the staff that he was on some prescription medications, which included 6 mg of Klonopin, a benzo. He even brought a list of his prescriptions with him. The U.S. Bureau of Prisons detoxification guide for “chemically dependent inmates” recognizes the dangers of benzodiazepine withdrawal. And yet, Erik Heipt, attorney for Walker’s family, claims that Freemont County had a “blanket policy” of not continuing benzodiazepine prescriptions for people in their jail, therefore, forcing inmates to withdraw cold turkey. This is what happened to Walter. The following description of Walter’s last days is summarized from an extensive interview that Westword had with Heipt. In just 17 days in lockup, Walter lost 30 pounds. He exhibited delirium and exaggerated dramatic behavior caused by withdrawal psychosis and was often strapped in a restraint chair where he was tased and pepper-sprayed. When he was free of his restraints, he would kick and hurl himself against walls to the point of breaking bones. Other times he was disoriented, rolling on the floor yelling, and even seizing. Instead of receiving treatment for his withdrawal, John Patrick Walter received punishment. For his final five days, Walter was placed in a holding cell with a large, see-through window for observation. As many as twenty people watched him at various times of the day. Everyone walking through the booking area could see him. While he was there, he didn’t sleep or eat, and he drank very little water. And for most of the time, he was completely naked. Many corrections officers were concerned and thought his medical providers weren’t doing enough to help him. These complaints went all the way up to the sheriff, but in the end, they would always refer to the medical staff. A medical staff that just watched him deteriorate and never once took him to the hospital. April 20th, Easter Sunday, Walter was on the floor naked twitching, shaking, and convulsing. That evening he was found dead. The cause of death was initially released as “undetermined.” It wasn’t until three years later, on April 17, 2017, that Dr. Emily Berry of the El Paso County Coroner’s Office issued a revised finding. The official cause of death: “acute benzodiazepine withdrawal.” Her revised statement was based on newly obtained medical records, eyewitness accounts, and materials furnished by the attorneys for Walter’s estate, who filed suit in March of 2016. The medical staff who ignored Walter for 17 days worked for a for-profit contractor who was employed to provide medical services to its inmates. According to its contract with Fremont County, the company was paid $500,000 to provide medical services for the year of 2014, which is approximately $42,000 a month. And yet according to records, the company only budgeted $19,000 a month for on-site healthcare services. The Walter family believes that Fremont County tried to cover up what really happened during those three weeks. It goes to the core of our allegation that Fremont County engaged in a cover-up. That made it nearly impossible for the (coroner’s office) to determine a cause of death. Now, through what’s been uncovered, they have been able to determine a cause of death, which is what we suspected it was when we first filed this case. — Eric Heipt, Attorney for the Walter’s Estate I relate this story to you in my book for one reason — to raise awareness. The more people who know about benzodiazepine withdrawal and the dangers of withdrawing cold turkey, the less likely situations like this will happen. We need to educate the public and the medical professionals, so they’re more aware of the dangers. John Patrick Walter’s death was preventable. If he had more money, he could have paid bail, and he would probably be alive today. If anyone at the jail had insisted he get help at any time over that three-week period, he would probably be alive today. If anyone on that medical staff truly understood benzodiazepine withdrawal, I believe, John Patrick Walter would probably be alive today. What happened to Walter is inexcusable, and unfortunately, he is just one of many. The number of people who have suffered and even died from benzo complications and withdrawal while incarcerated is unknown. But here are a few examples to drive the message home. Jesse Jacobs was jailed for 30 days on a DUI conviction in Texas. He died after just six days from Xanax withdrawal. David Stojcevski died 17 days into his 32-day sentence in Michigan for a traffic fine. He lost 50 pounds, hallucinated, and experienced seizures and convulsions. His death was caught on video, but the U.S. Attorney’s Office found no evidence of criminal wrongdoing. Cuyahoga County, Ohio has passed Sean’s Law that protects people in jail who are on benzos. It’s named after R&B singer Sean Levert, who died in jail after being arrested for failing to pay child support. He arrived at jail with his bottle of Xanax in hand, but the drug was taken away from him, and he never received a single pill. The Cuyahoga County Coroner ruled that withdrawal from Xanax was a contributing factor to his death. I don’t know about you, but I’m at a loss for words. ***** END OF EXCERPT ***** Thanks for taking the time to read about Walter and others who have faced a similar fate. Please share it with others so that we can help prevent this from ever happening again. by D E Foster References Benzel, Lance. “$4.25 million settlement reached in Fremont inmate’s death.” The Colorado Springs Gazette. November 26th, 2018. Accessed November 28th, 2018. https://gazette.com/news/million-settlement-reached-in-fremont-inmate-s-death/article_eabf1c54-f1c2-11e8-845a-130ca1262026.html. Benzel, Lance. “Cause-of-Death Finding Bolsters Cover-Up Claim in Fremont County Jail Inmate’s Death.” The Colorado Springs Gazette. May 14, 2017. Updated May 15, 2017. accessed August 24, 2017. http://gazette.com/cause-of-death-finding-bolsters-cover-up-claim-in-fremont-county-jail-inmates-death/article/1603116. Board of Cuyahoga County: Alcohol, Drug Addiction & Mental Health Services. HB 84: Sean’s Law Briefing. Accessed April 10, 2018. http://adamhscc.org/en-us/seans-law-briefing.aspx. Flynn, Meagan. “Jesse Jacobs Died in Lockup Six Days After Galveston County Jailers Cut Off His Meds.” Houston Press. August 6, 2015. April 10, 2018. http://www.houstonpress.com/news/jesse-jacobs-died-in-lockup-six-days-after-galveston-county-jailers-cut-off-his-meds-7646761. Foster, D E. Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal. Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. https://easinganxiety.com/book. Hall, Christina. “U.S. Attorney Says Evidence in David Stojcevski’s Death Doesn’t Support Criminal Civil Rights Violation Charges.” Detroit Free Press. September 19, 2016. accessed April 10, 2018. https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/macomb/2016/09/19/macomb-jail-death-inmate-david-stojcevski/90688274/. Lopez, German. “David Stojcevski’s Horrifying Death in Jail, Explained.” Vox. Updated September 29, 2015. Accessed April 10, 2018. https://www.vox.com/2015/9/26/9399391/macomb-county-jail-david-stojcevski. Matott, Sarah. “John Patrick Walter Attorneys: Provider Had ‘Money-Making’ Motive.” Cañon City News. March 6, 2017. Accessed April 11,2018. http://www.canoncitydailyrecord.com/news/canoncity-local-news/ci_30839522/john-patrick-walter-attorneys-provider-had-money-making. Miller, Donna J. “Sean Levert, Denied Medication, Hallucinated for Hours Before He Died in Jail.” The Plain Dealer. November 11, 2008. Accessed April 10, 2018. http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2008/11/post_15.html. Roberts, Michael. “‘Atrocity’: The Agonizing, Unnecessary, 18-Day Jail Death of John Patrick Walter.” Westword. January 25, 2017. accessed January 25, 2017. http://www.westword.com/news/atrocity-the-agonizing-unnecessary-18-day-jail-death-of-john-patrick-walter-8688441.

The use of benzodiazepines and nonbenzodiazepines in the elderly is of very serious concern, especially when it comes to driving. Not only have benzos been shown to increase the risk of Alzheimer’s Disease (by 32% to 84% depending on the study) and hip fractures from falls (by as much as 40% in some groups) along with other side effects and risks in the elderly, they also can inhibit senior citizens ability to drive motor vehicles. A study released in November 2018 by the AAA’s Foundation for Traffic Safety stated that the use of potentially inappropriate medication (PIMs) in older drivers is common. Use of PIMs is fairly common in older drivers and often involves medications known to impair driving ability and increase crash risk. In order to improve traffic safety among older drivers, drivers should be aware of the types of medications they are taking to ensure optimal safety behind the wheel. — Prevalance of Potentially Inappropriate Medication Use in Older Drivers: AAA LongROAD Study The most common PIMs according to the study are benzodiazepines (16.6%) and nonbenzodiazepines (16.4%) followed by antidepressants (15.2%) and first-generation antihistamines (10.5%). Since there are 42 million adults aged 65 and older on America’s roads, the number of drivers who could be driving in a diminished capacity based on these drugs could be in the millions. The American Geriatrics Society (AGS) Beers Criteria includes a strong recommendation to avoid any type of benzodiazepine for the treatment of insomnia or agitation in the elderly and it identifies the use of benzodiazepines as one of 10 things physicians and patients should question. This is not a new concern. Some medical professionals have been voicing concern about the detrimental effects of benzos on the elderly for decades. Especially troubling is that benzo use is ridiculously high (nearly one out of ten) in the elderly, the group most likely to be harmed by them…If you meet an elderly patient who seems dopey, confused, has memory loss, slurred speech, and poor balance, your first thought should be benzo side effects — not Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. — Dr. Allen Frances, Professor Emeritus at Duke University, Chairman of the DSM-IV Committee Older people are more sensitive than younger people to the central nervous system depressant effects of benzodiazepines. Benzodiazepines can cause confusion, night wandering, amnesia, ataxia (loss of balance), hangover effects and “pseudodementia” (sometimes wrongly attributed to Alzheimer’s disease) in the elderly and should be avoided wherever possible. — The Ashton Manual, Prof. C. Heather Ashton Benzos slow down the workings of the brain and muscles, which increases the risk of motor vehicle crashes. These side effects often ease over time, but since benzodiazepines should only be taken on a short-term basis, there shouldn’t be an “over time.” Older drivers are highly encouraged to bring a list of medications to their next doctor appointment, including prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, vitamins, and supplements, and discuss their concerns with their physicians. You can read the entire AAA LongROAD Study at the following link: https://publicaffairsresources.aaa.biz/wp-content/uploads/dlm_uploads/2018/11/18-0709_AAAFTS-PIMS-Brief_r2.pdf by D E Foster References Andrews, H.F., M.E. Betz, S. Chihuri, C. DiGuiseppi, D.W. Eby, A. Gordon, L.L. Hill, V. Jones, B.H. Lang, C.S. Leu, G. Li, D.P. Merle, T.J. Mielenz, L.J. Molnar, D. Strogatz. (2018). “Prevalence of Potentially Inappropriate Medication Use in Older Drivers: A LongROAD Study.” AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety. Accessed December 5, 2018. https://publicaffairsresources.aaa.biz/wp-content/uploads/dlm_uploads/2018/11/18-0709_AAAFTS-PIMS-Brief_r2.pdf. Ashton, C. Heather. Benzodiazepines: How They Work and How to Withdraw (aka The Ashton Manual). 2002. Accessed April 13, 2016. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual. Foster, D E. Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal. Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. https://easinganxiety.com/book. Frances, Allen. “Yes, Benzos Are Bad for You.” Pro Talk: A Rehabs.com Community, June 10, 2016. Accessed October 13, 2016. https://www.rehabs.com/pro-talk-articles/yes-benzos-are-bad-for-you/. Pariente, Antoine, Sophie Billioti de Gage, Nicholas Moore and Bernard Bégaud. “The Benzodiazepine–Dementia Disorders Link: Current State of Knowledge.” CNS Drugs 30(1)(January 2016):1-7. Accessed December 12, 2016. doi:10.1007/s40263-015-0305-4. Saarelainen, Laura, Anna-Maija Tolppanen, Marjaana Koponen, Antti Tanskanen, Jari Tiihonen, Sripa Hartikainen and Heidi Taipale. “Risk of Death Associated with New Benzodiazepine Use Among Persons with Alzheimer’s Disease — a Matched Cohort Study.” International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry (November 15, 2017). Accessed April 8, 2018. doi:10.1002/gps.4821. Sax, Lindsay. “Medications increase crash risk by 300%.” KOAA News 5. December 4, 2018. Accessed December 5, 2018. https://koaa.com/news/covering-colorado/2018/12/04/medications-increase-crash-risk-by-300/.

Prof. C. Heather Ashton spent 12 years working with benzo recovery patients in her clinic and fought tirelessly to raise awareness of this issue and help those who are struggling with benzo dependence. She is retired now but is praised by many as the world’s leading expert on benzo withdrawal. Her guide to withdrawal, commonly called “The Ashton Manual,” has become a universal guide to thousands of people around the world. No other resource has helped more people through this challenging experience. I can’t tell you the number of times when I had a question or concern and went to her manual for help. I found her writing not only educational but reassur­ing and comforting. While her manual is full of medical facts and valuable information, she finds a way to let you know that she believes you can succeed and motivates you to do just that. Please, sign the petition to help encourage the British government to honor Prof. Ashton for her amazing work and to help spread the word about these dangerous drugs. Sign the petition here… Learn more about the manual here… Thank you, D E Foster

What are benzos and why should you care? If you’ve been taking anti-anxiety medication or sleeping pills, chances are it’s a benzo. Learn about the downside to benzos, where to turn for help, and what it’s like to withdraw. In our inaugural episode, D E Foster, author of the book, “Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal,” discusses the basics that everyone should know about benzos whether you’ve taken the drug for years or never even heard of them before. Topics will include the facts about benzos, the history of the drug, a few statistics about usage, and even benzo dependence and withdrawal. Video ID: BFP001 Watch the Video The Benzo Free Podcast is also available on... Apple Podcasts / Audible / iHeart / PodBean / Spotify / Stitcher Chapters 00:00 Teaser 03:02 Introduction 06:39 Q&A 12:03 Feature: Introduction to Benzos 25:07 Mindful Minute Episode Summary Welcome to the inaugural episode of the Benzo Free Podcast. In the opening of this episode, D provides a brief introduction to the podcast and then moves onto the Q&A section where he answers a few questions about himself, the Ashton Manual, and a bit about trust, opinion, and objectivity. Q&A This is the section where I would normally answer questions from the listeners. Unfortunately, since I pre-recorded the first several episodes for the podcast launch, I don’t have any feedback yet. Thus, the following questions are either based on questions I have experienced on the discussion boards, or just some basic information I think I would want to know if I was listening. I’ve provided some brief answers below, but I cover much more detail on the podcast. Who am I (the host)? I am 53 years old, live in Colorado in the U.S., and share my home with my wife of 22 years and my dog, Bear. I have been a writer, teacher, and database programmer among other jobs over the past 30 years. Do you support the Ashton Manual? Yes, definitely. The Ashton Manual is often thought of as the “Bible” of benzo withdrawal. If you have not heard of it, you can learn more on our website on our Ashton page. There is a link there to her online manual on that page. If you have never read the Ashton Manual, do so, end of story. There’s a lot of “false media” and “misinformation” out there about everything, especially benzos, recovery, and addiction. How can you expect us to trust you? I don’t. I really don’t. I hope I can gain your trust over time, but I too am a skeptical person and I would be hesitant to believe me if I was in your shoes. All I can say is this: I promise to try and be as objective and honest as I can. That’s all I can do. I will fail at times, but when I do, I will admit it. This podcast is not about me, it’s about you and your struggles. I don’t mind looking like a fool if it means I can help get the information to you that you need to help. Keep two key things in mind: 1) This is all my opinion. 2) Everyone’s experience in benzo withdrawal is different. FEATURED TOPIC Today’s featured topic: A Brief Introduction to Benzos Today’s discussion will include the basics that everyone should know about benzos whether you’ve taken the drug for years or never even heard of them before. D will discuss some basic facts about benzos, talk about the history of the drug, cover a few statistics, and even touch on benzo withdrawal. I’ve included an abridged version of the content below. Please listen to the episode for more detail. What are benzos? The term “benzos” is short for “benzodiazepines,” a class of psychoactive prescription drugs developed in the 1960s. Benzos often includes three separate classes of drugs including benzodiazepines, nonbenzodiazepines, and thienodiazepines. Also called “anti-anxiety medications” or “minor tranquilizers,” benzos were developed to combat a variety of issues including panic attacks, anxiety, insomnia, muscle spasms, and seizures. What are the different types of benzos? Let’s look at the most common types in each class. Benzodiazepines – The most common benzodiazepines, starting with the most popular, are alprazolam (Xanax), lorazepam (Ativan), clonazepam (Klonopin), diazepam (Valium), and temazepam (Restoril). Other common ones include chlordiazepoxide (Librium), clorazepate (Tranxene), estazolam (ProSom), and triazolam (Halcion). Nonbenzodiazepines (Z-drugs) – As for z-drugs, they include eszopiclone (Lunesta), zaleplon (Sonata), zolpidem (Ambien), and zopiclone (Zimovane). Brief History of Benzos On February 24, 1960, the FDA approved the drug chlordiazepoxide (Librium), and so started the era of benzos. Librium was considered safer than barbiturates since there were fewer side effects and fewer deaths from overdose. When Librium hit the market, it quickly outsold barbiturates and soon became the most prescribed drug in America. It remained that way until 1969 when it was replaced by another, perhaps better-known benzo: Valium. Valium was 2 1/2 times more potent than Librium and became the top-selling drug in the U.S. for 13 years, between 1969 and 1982. As benzos became increasingly popular, a backlash also gained momentum. By the middle of the 1970s, the FDA had collected numerous reports of benzodiazepine dependence…Many patients who had been on high dosages of Valium or Librium for long periods of time would experience excruciating physical and psychological symptoms when they stopped taking the medication: anxiety, insomnia, headaches, tremors, blurred vision, ringing in the ears, the feeling that insects were crawling all over them, and extreme depression — and, in some cases, seizures, convulsions, hallucinations, and paranoid delusions. — My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel (I highly recommend this book. Click the link above to check it out on Amazon) In 1979, U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy led a Senate subcommittee hearing into suspected dangers of benzodiazepines where he said, “If you require a daily dose of Valium to get through each day, you are hooked, and you should seek help.” The backlash started, and drug companies released a new class of drugs for anxiety and depression, SSRIs. But the backlash didn’t last long. In 1981, pharmaceutical manufacturer Upjohn (now part of Pfizer) released alprazolam, and they marketed it under the catchy name of Xanax. While still a benzodiazepine, Xanax represented this new group of benzos that are even more potent than the ones in the 70s. Xanax is 20 times more potent than Valium. By 1986, Xanax had overtaken Miltown, Librium, and Valium to become the best-selling drug in history. And by 2013, prescriptions for benzos in the U.S. climbed to 5.6% of the population. The market demand for general anxiety medications was valued at $3.2 billion in 2014 and is expected to rise to $3.7 billion by the end of 2020. Benzos were back and with a vengeance. Benzo Stats According to IMS Health, the total number of U.S. adults taking anti-anxiety drugs in 2013 was over 34 million. This number includes all anti-anxiety medications including benzodiazepines, z-drugs, and others. Let’s close with two quotes about benzos and withdrawal… Benzos are very easy to get on, almost impossible to get off. Benzo withdrawal is a beast — often terrifying, sometimes dangerous, and almost always drawn out over a very long period of time. — Dr. Allen Frances, Professor Emeritus at Duke University, Chairman of the DSM-IV Committee (Read the full article in Rehabs.com Pro Talk) I’ve met people who’ve been addicted to benzodiazepines for 20 or 30 years — wrecked their lives, wrecked their jobs, wrecked their families. It’s a silent addiction. We all know about illegal drugs, we all know about alcohol, we don’t know about this group. — Anne Milton, Public Health Minister, United Kingdom (Transcribed from BBC Radio 4 Face the Facts, July 31, 2011 — Listen Here) Resources The following resource links are provided as a courtesy to our listeners. They do not constitute an endorsement by Easing Anxiety of the resource or any recommendations or advice provided therein. Ashton, C. Heather. Benzodiazepines: How They Work and How to Withdraw (aka The Ashton Manual). 2002. Accessed April 13, 2016. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/. Ashton, C. Heather. “The Bridge Project, Bradford: Speech by Professor C Heather Ashton, DM FRCP: Annual Meeting, December 2011.” Benzo.org.uk. Accessed January 27, 2017. https://www.benzo.org.uk/chabradford.htm. Bachhuber, Marcus A., Sean Hennessy, Chinazo O. Cunningham and Joanna L. Starrels. “Increasing Benzodiazepine Prescriptions and Overdose Mortality in the United States, 1996-2013.” American Journal of Public Health (AJPH) (April 2016). Accessed April 7, 2018. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2016.303061. Balestra, Katie. “Critics Cite Serious Side Effects of Benzodiazepine Antidepressants.” Washington Post. June 30, 2009. Accessed April 7, 2018. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/29/AR2009062903105.html. Barrow, Martin. “Scandal of 1 Million Caught in Tranquiliser Trap.” The Times (UK). October 1, 2012. accessed March 1, 2017. https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/scandal-of-1m-caught-in-tranquilliser-trap-2glq2f0w5pr. British Medical Association (BMA). “Supporting Individuals Affected by Prescribed Drugs Associated with Dependence and Withdrawal.” Our Collective Voice. October 6, 2016. Accessed June 14, 2017. https://www.bma.org.uk/collective-voice/policy-and-research/public-and-population-health/prescribed-drugs-dependence-and-withdrawal. Face the Facts. “Prescribed Addiction.” BBC Radio 4. July 27, 2011. Last aired July 31, 2011. Produced by Kathryn Takatsuki. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b012wxxw. Foster, D E. “Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal.” Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. Fox, Jeremy C. “When Withdrawal is the hardest part.” The Boston Globe. September 8, 2014. Accessed October 10, 2018. https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/2014/09/07/when-withdrawal-hardest-part/nyWtjexiyOWSpU1TkloVnK/story.html. Frances, Allen. “Yes, Benzos Are Bad for You.” Pro Talk: A Rehabs.com Community, June 10, 2016. Accessed October 13, 2016. https://www.rehabs.com/pro-talk-articles/yes-benzos-are-bad-for-you/. “Global General Anxiety Disorder Market Worth USD 3,775 Million and CAGR 2.4% by 2021.” Zion Market Research. November 18, 2016. Accessed November 19, 2016. http://www.medgadget.com/2016/11/global-general-anxiety-disorder-market-worth-usd-3775-million-and-cagr-2-4-by-2021.html. IMS Health. Vector One: National (VONA) and Total Patient Tracker (TPT) Database (2013). Extracted April 2014. Quoted in CCHR International. “Total Number of People Taking Psychiatric Drugs in the United States.” Accessed April 3, 2018. https://www.cchrint.org/psychiatric-drugs/people-taking-psychiatric-drugs/. Stossel, Scott. My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind. New York: Vintage Books, 2013. Wikipedia. “Diazepam.” Last modified March 29, 2018. Accessed April 7, 2018. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diazepam. The Podcast The Benzo Free Podcast provides information, support, and community to those who struggle with the long-term effects of anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Valium) and Z-drugs (Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata). WEBSITE: https://www.easinganxiety.com MAILING LIST: https://www.easinganxiety.com/subscribe YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@easinganx DISCLAIMER All content provided by Easing Anxiety is for general informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. Any health-related information provided is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat health problems, or to prescribe any medical devices or other remedies. Never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it. Please visit our website for our complete disclaimer at https://www.easinganxiety.com/disclaimer. CREDITS Music provided / licensed by Storyblocks Audio — https://www.storyblocks.com Benzo Free Theme — Title: “Walk in the Park” — Artist: Neil Cross PRODUCTION Easing Anxiety is produced by… Denim Mountain Press https://www.denimmountainpress.com ©2022 Denim Mountain Press – All Rights Reserved

What’s it really like to withdraw from anti-anxiety drugs or sleeping pills? For some of us, the experience is beyond words — but I will try anyway. Today, I share my personal story of benzo withdrawal — warts and all. I do this now to help raise awareness and hopefully become more relatable as your host. I was on clonazepam (Klonopin) for over 12 years and I’m now four years benzo-free. Even though I still have some symptoms, I consider my withdrawal a success. There is hope — if I can make it, so can you. Video ID: BFP002 Watch the Video The Benzo Free Podcast is also available on... Apple Podcasts / Audible / iHeart / PodBean / Spotify / Stitcher Chapters 00:00 Teaser 01:42 Introduction 08:45 Feature: My Benzo Story 33:00 Moment of Peace Episode Summary Welcome to Episode Two of our new podcast. Today we keep the intro short and skip our Q&A so we can dive right into our featured topic. Today’s featured topic: My Benzo Story Although I know it may sound a bit pretentious, our feature today is solely focused on my experience with benzo withdrawal. I dedicated an entire episode to this topic not just to hear myself talk, but because I believe that sharing my story can truly help others feel a little less alone throughout this ordeal. If this topic is not for you, please just skip over it and go to the next episode. No hard feelings, I promise. Today, I share my journey through the past 15 years, a time that I refer to as the benzo chapter of my life. From 2002, when I was first prescribed clonazepam (Klonopin) by my primary care physician, through the roller coaster of tolerance, taper, and withdrawal, to finally discovering the beauty of life on the other side. It has been an arduous ordeal, but one that I conquered and survived. On August 20th, 2014, I took my last dose of benzos. It’s four and a half years later and although I am currently in a protracted state of withdrawal and still have symptoms every day, I am significantly better than I was and I will be forever grateful that I am finally benzo-free. Please remember that benzo withdrawal is manageable, especially with proper preparation, information, and support. My withdrawal experience is extreme and odds are your experience will be much easier than mine. Resources The following resource links are provided as a courtesy to our listeners. They do not constitute an endorsement by Easing Anxiety of the resource or any recommendations or advice provided therein. — Foster, D E. “Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal.” Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. https://easinganxiety.com/book. The Podcast The Benzo Free Podcast provides information, support, and community to those who struggle with the long-term effects of anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Valium) and Z-drugs (Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata). WEBSITE: https://www.easinganxiety.com MAILING LIST: https://www.easinganxiety.com/subscribe YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@easinganx DISCLAIMER All content provided by Easing Anxiety is for general informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. Any health-related information provided is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat health problems, or to prescribe any medical devices or other remedies. Never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it. Please visit our website for our complete disclaimer at https://www.easinganxiety.com/disclaimer. CREDITS Music provided / licensed by Storyblocks Audio — https://www.storyblocks.com Benzo Free Theme — Title: “Walk in the Park” — Artist: Neil Cross PRODUCTION Easing Anxiety is produced by… Denim Mountain Press https://www.denimmountainpress.com ©2022 Denim Mountain Press – All Rights Reserved

Experts agree that reducing fear and anxiety is critical to success during benzo withdrawal. But how do you do that? In part one of this three-part series, I introduce five key areas of focus for creating a stable mindset during withdrawal. The first of these is taking responsibility. It’s your body and your recovery — you should be in charge. Learn how to work with your doctor as a partner and take control of your own health and healing. Video ID: BFP003 Watch the Video This episode is part of a 3-part series. Listen to Part 2 here: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-2-bfp004 Listen to Part 3 here: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-3-bfp005 The Benzo Free Podcast is also available on... Apple Podcasts / Audible / iHeart / PodBean / Spotify / Stitcher Chapters 00:00 Introduction 03:15 Q&A 08:24 Feature: Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal (Part 1) 20:15 Moment of Peace Episode Summary Welcome to the first segment of our 3-part series on Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal. This series is derived from a chapter in my book titled, “Managing the Fear,” which focuses on reducing the fear, anxiety, and stress during benzo withdrawal. Before we dive too deep into our featured topic, we chat a bit and cover a couple of questions in our Q&A section on withdrawal. Feature Series SERIES: Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal In my opinion, fear, and the stress and anxiety related to that fear, cause more distress and more complications during withdrawal than anything else. And this fear is not some natural psychological fear. It’s chemically enhanced. On top of the original anxieties we had before our dependence on benzos, we now have a damaged nervous system that can’t process fear correctly. A system that can send us into a panic state — both psychologically and physiologically — at the least sign of distress. Above all, stop worrying. Worry, fear and anxiety increase all withdrawal symptoms. Many of these symptoms are actually due to anxiety and not signs of brain or nervous system damage. People who fear withdrawal have more intense symptoms than those who just take it as it comes and think positively and confidently about recovery. — Prof. Ashton, The Ashton Manual This series is broken down into three separate parts: PART 1 (this video) — Series Introduction — 1) Taking Responsibility for Your Own Recovery PART 2 (https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-2-bfp004) — 2) Keeping Positive — 3) Maintaining Mental and Physical Activity PART 3 (https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-3-bfp005) — 4) Having Kindness for Yourself and Others — 5) Finding Acceptance of Your Condition Episode Description In today’s episode, we cover the series introduction and the first key area of focus: responsibility. INTRODUCTION The first step to finding a positive mindset for withdrawal is realizing that fear — and obsessing about that fear — makes your symptoms worse. It makes your withdrawal harder. Learning how to accept the fear but reduce the rumination is the real goal here. I found five key areas where I improved my ability to manage anxiety. They are responsibility, positivity, activity, kindness, and acceptance. RESPONSIBILITY I now have a say in what happens to me. I’ll never take another prescribed medication without doing my own thorough research. I’ll never go through another medical procedure without fully understanding all the risks and weighing the pros and cons. Once I realized that I was in charge, I also knew that I couldn’t do this alone. So, I built a support team to help me through this difficult time. Taking responsibility means taking the lead in your recovery. You’re in charge, and that’s a good thing. Resources The following resource links are provided as a courtesy to our listeners. They do not constitute an endorsement by Easing Anxiety of the resource or any recommendations or advice provided therein. — Ashton, C. Heather. “Benzodiazepines: How They Work and How to Withdraw (aka The Ashton Manual).” 2002. Accessed April 13, 2016. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/. — Foster, D E. “Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal.” Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. https://easinganxiety.com/book. The Podcast The Benzo Free Podcast provides information, support, and community to those who struggle with the long-term effects of anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Valium) and Z-drugs (Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata). WEBSITE: https://www.easinganxiety.com MAILING LIST: https://www.easinganxiety.com/subscribe YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@easinganx DISCLAIMER All content provided by Easing Anxiety is for general informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. Any health-related information provided is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat health problems, or to prescribe any medical devices or other remedies. Never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it. Please visit our website for our complete disclaimer at https://www.easinganxiety.com/disclaimer. CREDITS Music provided / licensed by Storyblocks Audio — https://www.storyblocks.com Benzo Free Theme — Title: “Walk in the Park” — Artist: Neil Cross PRODUCTION Easing Anxiety is produced by… Denim Mountain Press https://www.denimmountainpress.com ©2022 Denim Mountain Press – All Rights Reserved

Are you in benzo withdrawal? Do you feel stuck? Hopeless? Do you wish you could be more positive? More active? In part two of this three-part series, you will learn tips for improving your physical and mental health. Maintaining a positive mindset during withdrawal may sound like a near impossibility — but it’s a goal worth fighting for. And keeping active — while a continuous struggle – can be equally as challenging but just as key to your sanity and success. Video ID: BFP004 Watch the Video This episode is part of a 3-part series. Listen to Part 1 here: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-1-bfp003 Listen to Part 3 here: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-3-bfp005 The Benzo Free Podcast is also available on... Apple Podcasts / Audible / iHeart / PodBean / Spotify / Stitcher Chapters 00:00 Introduction 02:27 Q&A 08:15 Feature: Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal (Part 2) 23:07 Moment of Peace Episode Summary Welcome to the second segment of our 3-part series on Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal. This series is derived from a chapter in my book titled, “Managing the Fear,” which focuses on reducing the fear, anxiety, and stress during benzo withdrawal. Before we dive too deep into our featured topic, we will chat a bit and cover a few questions in our Q&A section on short-term use and symptoms in protracted withdrawal. Feature Series SERIES: Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal In my opinion, fear, and the stress and anxiety related to that fear, cause more distress and more complications during withdrawal than anything else. And this fear is not some natural psychological fear. It’s chemically enhanced. On top of the original anxieties we had before our dependence on benzos, we now have a damaged nervous system that can’t process fear correctly. A system that can send us into a panic state — both psychologically and physiologically — at the least sign of distress. Above all, stop worrying. Worry, fear and anxiety increase all withdrawal symptoms. Many of these symptoms are actually due to anxiety and not signs of brain or nervous system damage. People who fear withdrawal have more intense symptoms than those who just take it as it comes and think positively and confidently about recovery. — Prof. Ashton, The Ashton Manual This series is broken down into three separate parts: PART 1 (https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-1-bfp003) — Series Introduction — 1) Taking Responsibility for Your Own Recovery PART 2 (this video) — 2) Keeping Positive — 3) Maintaining Mental and Physical Activity PART 3 (https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-3-bfp005) — 4) Having Kindness for Yourself and Others — 5) Finding Acceptance of Your Condition Episode Description Today we discuss two essential elements to maintaining a stable mindset during withdrawal: positivity and activity. 2) POSITIVITY Allowing your feelings to happen, all feelings, is critical to maintaining mental health. A positive mindset is not about suppressing your feelings or glossing over them and putting on a good face. That plan of attack can lead to disaster. What I’m talking about is a positive mindset. You still feel sad, angry, mad, and everything else at different times. But when something happens in your life, you will lean a bit more on the positive side than the negative side. Focus on what is good in your life. \3) ACTIVITY Keeping an active mind and body is critical to success during withdrawal. More and more studies show that keeping your mind active is key to keeping it healthy. This goes double for people with anxiety and triple for people going through benzo withdrawal. And being physically active is equally as important. Studies have shown that the first twenty minutes of exercise garners the most health benefits. Even if you can’t do anything else, a brisk walk every day can do wonders. It’s not just about exercise, it’s about being active. Resources The following resource links are provided as a courtesy to our listeners. They do not constitute an endorsement by Easing Anxiety of the resource or any recommendations or advice provided therein. — Ashton, C. Heather. Benzodiazepines: How They Work and How to Withdraw (aka The Ashton Manual). 2002. Accessed April 13, 2016. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/. — Babyak, Michael, James A. Blumenthal, Steve Herman, Parinda Khatri, Murali Doraiswamy, Kathleen Moore, Edward Craighead, Teri T. Baldewicz and K. Ranga Krishnan. “Exercise Treatment for Major Depression: Maintenance of Therapeutic Benefit at 10 Months.” Psychosomatic Medicine 62(5)(October 2000):633-38. Accessed April 12, 2018. http://www.hibody.co.uk/Exercise%20treatment%20for%20major%20depression.pdf. — Bach, Richard. Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. New York: Creature Enterprises, 1977. Print. — Finding Nemo. DVD. Directed by Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich. Performed by Ellen DeGeneres. Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson, and David Reynolds. 2003. Buena Vista Pictures, 2003. — Foster, D E. Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal. Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. — McCarthy, Justin. “More Americans Say Crime Is Rising in U.S.” Gallup. October 22, 2015. Accessed April 12, 2018. http://news.gallup.com/poll/186308/americans-say-crime-rising.aspx. — Meixler, Eli. “‘Remember to Look Up at the Stars.’ Read Some of Stephen Hawking’s Most Memorable Quotes.” Time. March 14, 2018. Accessed March 15, 2018. http://time.com/5198842/stephen-hawking-quotes-universe-life. — Roser, Max and Esteban Ortiz-Ospina. “Global Extreme Poverty.” Our World in Data (Online Resource). 2018. Accessed April 12, 2018. https://ourworldindata.org/extreme-poverty. — Roser, Max and Esteban Ortiz-Ospina. “Global Rise of Education.” Our World in Data (Online Resource). 2017. Accessed April 12, 2018. https://ourworldindata.org/global-rise-of-education. — Roser, Max and Esteban Ortiz-Ospina. “Homicides.” Our World in Data (Online Resource). 2018. Accessed April 12, 2018. https://ourworldindata.org/homicides. The Podcast The Benzo Free Podcast provides information, support, and community to those who struggle with the long-term effects of anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Valium) and Z-drugs (Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata). WEBSITE: https://www.easinganxiety.com MAILING LIST: https://www.easinganxiety.com/subscribe YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@easinganx DISCLAIMER All content provided by Easing Anxiety is for general informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. Any health-related information provided is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat health problems, or to prescribe any medical devices or other remedies. Never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it. Please visit our website for our complete disclaimer at https://www.easinganxiety.com/disclaimer. CREDITS Music provided / licensed by Storyblocks Audio — https://www.storyblocks.com Benzo Free Theme — Title: “Walk in the Park” — Artist: Neil Cross PRODUCTION Easing Anxiety is produced by… Denim Mountain Press https://www.denimmountainpress.com ©2022 Denim Mountain Press – All Rights Reserved

Many see benzo withdrawal as an epic, exhausting, never-ending battle — but what if it doesn’t have to be? In the final part of this three-part series, you’ll learn how to step back, get out of your own way, and let your body heal. Kindness — both to yourself and to those around you — is a hidden secret to recovery. Anger and resentment have never been a recipe for healing. And finding acceptance of your condition and compassion for all involved is the surest way to have peace and finally discover your new life on the other side. Video ID: BFP005 Watch the Video This episode is part of a 3-part series: Listen to Part 1 here: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-1-bfp003 Listen to Part 2 here: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-2-bfp004 The Benzo Free Podcast is also available on... Apple Podcasts / Audible / iHeart / PodBean / Spotify / Stitcher Chapters 00:00 Introduction 03:05 Q&A 09:00 Feature: Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal (Part 3) 21:59 Moment of Peace Episode Summary Welcome to the third segment of our 3-part series on Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal. This series is derived from a chapter in my book titled, “Managing the Fear,” which focuses on reducing the fear, anxiety, and stress during benzo withdrawal. Before we dive too deep into our featured topic, we will chat a bit and cover a couple of questions in our Q&A section on detox with flumazenil and which drug is the hardest to withdraw from Feature Series SERIES: Managing the Fear of Benzo Withdrawal In my opinion, fear, and the stress and anxiety related to that fear, cause more distress and more complications during withdrawal than anything else. And this fear is not some natural psychological fear. It’s chemically enhanced. On top of the original anxieties we had before our dependence on benzos, we now have a damaged nervous system that can’t process fear correctly. A system that can send us into a panic state — both psychologically and physiologically — at the least sign of distress. Above all, stop worrying. Worry, fear and anxiety increase all withdrawal symptoms. Many of these symptoms are actually due to anxiety and not signs of brain or nervous system damage. People who fear withdrawal have more intense symptoms than those who just take it as it comes and think positively and confidently about recovery. — Prof. Ashton, The Ashton Manual This series is broken down into three separate parts: PART 1 (https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-1-bfp003 ) — Series Introduction — 1) Taking Responsibility for Your Own Recovery PART 2 (https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/managing-the-fear-of-benzo-withdrawal-part-2-bfp004) — 2) Keeping Positive — 3) Maintaining Mental and Physical Activity PART 3 (This Video) — 4) Having Kindness for Yourself and Others — 5) Finding Acceptance of Your Condition Episode Description Today we discuss two essential elements to maintaining a stable mindset during withdrawal: kindness and acceptance. 4) KINDNESS It may sound like a trivial suggestion, but kindness is critical to success during benzo withdrawal. Kindness to yourself. Kindness to those around you. Kindness to everyone. Anger, resentment, fear, frustration, these all are common emotions during withdrawal and expressing them can feel good — in the short-term. But the truth is, they don’t help you heal. Having kindness for yourself, and for those around you trying to help you, is key to success during this difficult time. 5) ACCEPTANCE One of the best things that happened to me during withdrawal was when I found acceptance. I stopped struggling and fighting my symptoms and instead accepted my current condition. It sounds easy, but it’s a difficult transition and it usually only comes with time. Most people experiencing benzo withdrawal see their recovery as a struggle. A fight. A battle of epic proportions. And it can be. They want to do everything they can to make it disappear. And if they can’t make it go away, then make it as easy as possible. But the symptoms of benzo withdrawal are actually symptoms of healing. The drugs are gone, or at least reduced. All that’s left is your body trying to right itself. The best thing you can do during this time is to learn to accept your condition and let your body heal. Resources The following resource links are provided as a courtesy to our listeners. They do not constitute an endorsement by Easing Anxiety of the resource or any recommendations or advice provided therein. Ashton, C. Heather. Benzodiazepines: How They Work and How to Withdraw (aka The Ashton Manual). 2002. Accessed April 13, 2016. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/. “Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support: Substitution.” BenzoBuddies. Accessed March 1, 2017. http://www.benzobuddies.org/benzodiazepine-withdrawal-methods/substitution/. Foster, D E. Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal. Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. Lader, M.H. and S.V. Morton. “A Pilot Study of the Effects of Flumazenil on Symptoms Persisting After Benzodiazepine Withdrawal.” Journal of Psychopharmacology 6(3)(January 1992):357-63. Accessed March 6, 2017. doi:10.1177/026988119200600303. The Podcast The Benzo Free Podcast provides information, support, and community to those who struggle with the long-term effects of anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Valium) and Z-drugs (Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata). WEBSITE: https://www.easinganxiety.com MAILING LIST: https://www.easinganxiety.com/subscribe YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@easinganx DISCLAIMER All content provided by Easing Anxiety is for general informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. Any health-related information provided is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat health problems, or to prescribe any medical devices or other remedies. Never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it. Please visit our website for our complete disclaimer at https://www.easinganxiety.com/disclaimer. CREDITS Music provided / licensed by Storyblocks Audio — https://www.storyblocks.com Benzo Free Theme — Title: “Walk in the Park” — Artist: Neil Cross PRODUCTION Easing Anxiety is produced by… Denim Mountain Press https://www.denimmountainpress.com ©2022 Denim Mountain Press – All Rights Reserved

Summary Story of benzo withdrawal from the founder of Easing Anxiety, D E Foster. This is a story of 12 years on clonazepam (Klonopin) taken as prescribed, a complicated 18-month taper, and ongoing protracted withdrawal with a wide variety of symptoms. Details Key Topics: Anxiety, Benzos, Dependence, Withdrawal, Doctors, Klonopin (clonazepam), Protracted Withdrawal, Celexa (citalopram), Prozac (fluoxetine), Digestive Issues, Updosing, Protracted Withdrawal, Cipro (ciprofloxacin), Fluroquinolone, Symptoms Initial Source: Book: “Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal” by D E Foster — https://www.amazon.com/dp/173227861X/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_9MEJFbWB3RNDV Listen on the Podcast: https://www.easinganxiety.com/post/my-benzo-story-a-personal-account-of-withdrawal-bfp002 D's Bio on Easing Anxiety: https://easinganxiety.com/defoster Content Warning Stories presented on Easing Anxiety may contain triggering content for certain segments of the population. If this is a concern for you, please refrain from reading any further. These stories are provided for informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. Opinions stated are those of the author only. See our disclaimer at the bottom of this post for more information. Intro This is my benzo story as told in the book, “Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal.” I thought I’d add it to our stories section for those who might want to read it but haven’t read the book. I hope you enjoy it. BTW, the book is written in a Q&A format, so the following excerpt is told in this conversational style. Thanks for reading, D 🙂 D’s Story So, what’s benzo withdrawal really like? Tell me your story. Oh good, this is where I get to talk about myself. I wish I could say that I am too shy or humble to enjoy this, but I’m not. I can tell. When did it all start for you? I don’t know the actual date when I was first prescribed a benzo. It was sometime in 2002. I was struggling with stomach issues. Pain, spasms, irritable bowel, heartburn. This was not new for me. I had my first upper-GI test at six-months-old and my first pre-ulcer condition at the age of five. Stomach issues were just something I lived with. We all have our burdens; that was one of mine. I visited my primary care physician complaining about my stomach. We’ll call him Dr. Y. I guess he thought he would try a different approach and prescribed an anti-anxiety drug to see if it might help my ongoing struggles. I have dealt with mild anxiety issues here and there, but it was never serious. I wasn’t even complaining about anxiety to Dr. Y, but perhaps he thought it might be a factor. I didn’t know it was a benzodiazepine. I didn’t even know what benzodiazepines were. Back then, I just trusted my doctor. I didn’t question his judgment. So, I blindly took the medication. That drug was clonazepam (generic for Klonopin). I didn’t know it was a benzodiazepine. I didn’t even know what benzodiazepines were. There were no warnings. No mention of addiction or physical dependence. He said it might help my stomach, and that’s all I knew. How long did you take it? I was on clonazepam for over twelve years. Eleven years on the medication and then tapered for a year and a half. I started at 0.5 mg daily and eventually upped my dosage to 2 mg daily in the last couple of years before tapering. Were you in tolerance? Yes, but I didn’t know it at the time. I had various symptoms that I now know are common with benzodiazepine tolerance. They were milder than what I experienced during withdrawal, so I either ignored them or got them checked out by the doc. I didn’t think too much of it, and I never attributed the symptoms to the clonazepam. I changed doctors occasionally during that time. Each time the new doctor would continue the prescription. In those first 11 years, not one doctor suggested that I should re-evaluate the medication I was taking. So, I kept taking the drug, naive to its effects on my mind and body. When was the tipping point? When did you realize what was going on? In the summer of 2012, I went to a new doc, Dr. G, for a physical. When I told her about the clonazepam I was taking, she said, without any alarm or apparent concern, that I should start to wean off that drug. This is the first doctor in eleven years to suggest that I shouldn’t keep taking this medication. Still, I didn’t think much of it. Dr. G first wanted me to get on an anti-depressant, so she prescribed me fluoxetine (Prozac), 40 mg daily. She said it would help me in coming off of the benzo. I wasn’t too worried. But then, a few nights later, my whole life changed in an instant. I was trying to sleep on the twin bed in the front bedroom of our two-bedroom apartment. I had been snoring lately, so my wife and I were sleeping in separate rooms until I was able to lose some weight. I hated this, but it was the only reasonable decision since I kept waking her at night. This was my fourth day on Prozac, so I had just increased to my full dose of 40 mg that morning, per my doctor’s instructions. Anyway, sleep was evading me. I opened my iPad and decided to research Klonopin. I had nothing else to do, so I thought I’d kill some time. I can’t believe that in the past 11 years I never researched this drug I was taking. A mistake I’ll never make again. It didn’t take long for the panic attack to start. It didn’t take long for the panic attack to start. I came across horror story after horror story about benzodiazepine withdrawal. I was freaking out. In hindsight, I realize that this was my first, full-blown panic attack. I’ve had anxiety off and on in my life, but never something like this. I was terrified about what had been done to me and worse off, what was to come. I paced in my room for hours, and I knew that my life would never be the same. I soon realized that my panic attack wasn’t only caused by the fear of withdrawal, but also by an adverse reaction to Prozac. I’ve since learned that the prescription and dosage were inappropriate for someone in my condition. I stopped it the next morning just to be safe. Depression and a pervasive state of hopelessness set in soon after. That was the start of my new journey. The withdrawal chapter of my life. How long did your depression last? I’ve been to psychologists a few different times throughout my life for depression. I was never diagnosed with any specific disorder, but I’ve struggled now and then. My first counseling session was in college after my girlfriend dumped me. For six months I was in a deep, dark hole and couldn’t find any pleasure in life. I was never quite suicidal, but I could understand how people could consider it. It was an incredibly scary place to be and one I never wanted to visit again. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky. I’ve never felt any stigma from visiting a therapist, so in the following years when I needed help, I’d find a local counselor and work through whatever the issues were at the time. Since this wasn’t my first depression, I had a few tools and knew what to do. I started to build my team, my support system. I already had the most amazing wife in the world (no she didn’t make me say that either), so now I just needed a few others to come along for the ride. I found a new therapist nearby, and I started to journal, which I continued for the next five years throughout withdrawal. Since my memory was — and still is — somewhat rubbish, that journal became an integral part of the foundation for this book. When did you decide to withdraw? That first night. But I’d read enough to know that I needed help to do so. About a week after my panic attack, I visited my previous doctor, Dr. V. I didn’t want to go back to Dr. G after the issue with Prozac, and I was comfortable with Dr. V. It was a three hour round trip to his office in the mountains, but I needed someone I could trust. Dr. V is the idyllic small-town doc. He has a calming, wise presence and took his time each visit to listen to me, a quality that is difficult to find with today’s trend of seven-minute appointments. He was the perfect fit for someone like me. He spent over 30 minutes with me during that visit. I told him everything I had learned about benzos and about how freaked out I was regarding my addiction. He listened and discussed the issue with me at length. Like most doctors at that time, Dr. V didn’t believe there was a serious problem with long-term benzodiazepine use. He said that I didn’t need to withdraw from the benzos at all and that he had patients who had been on them much longer and at higher doses with no problems. Even though his words contradicted some of what I read over the past several weeks, I still felt that he was listening to me and wanted to work with me. He wanted me to wait for six months before beginning my taper. I told him that I didn’t want to stay on the drug. I wanted off. And that after reading The Ashton Manual, I had a plan and I wanted to start immediately. He said he would work with me, but he wanted me to wait for six months before beginning my taper. Six months? He made you wait six months before even starting to taper? Exactly. And it sucked. I hated that I had to wait. I believed that these drugs were destroying my body and mind from the inside and I wanted them out of me…now! I didn’t want to wait one more week, let alone six months. I considered finding another doctor, but where? A few days passed, and I calmed down a bit. I thought back on something Dr. V said in the appointment that — as hard as it was to admit — made some sense. He said he wanted me to stabilize mentally before starting my taper. He knew that people who attempted to withdraw have an even harder time the second, third, or fourth attempt. I later learned that this was called kindling, but at the time I just wanted it all to be over. Dr. V thought an anti-depressant might help… Dr. V thought an anti-depressant might help, and after I shared with him my experience with fluoxetine (Prozac), he prescribed me a low dose of citalopram (Celexa). I took it as specified for the next couple of months, but eventually tapered off it before starting my clonazepam taper. I didn’t have any adverse side effects from the SSRI, but I was determined to do this as medication-free as possible. I realize now that Dr. V was walking a very fine line with me during that first appointment. I believe that he tailored his recommendations since I had heightened anxiety and first needed to address that issue. He didn’t want to scare me with any more horror stories, and he knew quite well that if I started the taper in my current mental state, I probably wouldn’t make it. I am forever grateful to Dr. V for his wisdom, support, and especially his calm and compassionate manner. He was exactly the partner I needed for my withdrawal, and I am blessed that I had him in my life when I did. So, did you stabilize? The next month or two were hell. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the benzos, what they were doing to my body, and what my future held. I was full of anxiety, and my depression wouldn’t let go. I had some more panic attacks, lost work, and closed off from the world. I now realize that I was in tolerance at that time and already dealing with some withdrawal symptoms. But, I did do a few things right. I started my sessions with a new psychologist. Celeste was great and incredibly supportive of my struggles. I also got a membership to a nearby gym and started working out and swimming again. It was during this time that I discovered yoga and meditation. Both have been vital to my recovery and to my life. Over the following months, my tools slowly helped me to come to terms with my situation and stabilize my mood. I worked through some childhood and family issues with Celeste and developed some new tools to help with my anxiety. Finally, six months were up, I was more stable, and it was time to return to Dr. V. How did it go? It was February of 2013. I had my plan in hand. I had researched benzo withdrawal to excess, and I knew exactly what I needed to do. My mood improved, and I believed I was ready. Dr. V said he was impressed, and that he could see that my mental state had stabilized. I had taken charge and was in control of my own recovery. He initially suggested a faster taper than I planned on, but I calmly told him that based on my research, a slower taper would be the best course of action for me. I suggested 0.25 mg every two weeks with the flexibility to stop and stabilize at any dosage for as long as needed. It was a little faster than recommended by Ashton, but I felt that it was appropriate for me at the time. I also decided to taper without the help of diazepam (Valium) as a substitution drug. The thought of adding another benzo to my system, regardless of its benefits, was more than I wanted to undertake. He agreed to my plan and prescribed the proper dosages to start my taper. I was on my way. Yeah! How did the taper go? I wound up taking much longer than planned, and I’m glad I did. Over the next 18 months, I tapered off clonazepam on my own schedule. In the beginning, I didn’t have many problems. But once I got down below one milligram (half of my original dose), my symptoms became stronger and I had more difficulty. It was a hard road. Did you ever reinstate? Updose? Unfortunately, yes. In September of 2013, I started a new job at a marketing firm in Boulder. I was finally able to return to the business world, and I was hired to develop database systems for the company. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. My first day was hell. Filled with anxiety. Throat tightening. Tremors. Dizziness. Restlessness. My new office was a tiny half-cube in the middle of the hallway. I felt everyone was staring at me. My boss was in New York, and I didn’t really have much guidance. Panic attack. Not my first, and not my last. I finally got through that first day, but I came home and told my wife that I didn’t think I could do it. She listened, as she always does so well, and helped talk me down. Unfortunately, day one was a cake walk compared to day two. The next day I had to fly to a convention in Baltimore. I know, crazy, huh? The anxiety was overwhelming. My physical symptoms were on fire. Shaking, spiders on my face, throat-tightening, muscle pains, tinnitus, etc. Flying never used to be a problem for me, but now my nerves were raw, and every little stressor was amplified. I almost canceled the trip multiple times, but it was a new job, and I knew I had to go through with it. No pressure, right? I hadn’t traveled since I started withdrawal, and I was terrified. In the weeks before the trip I had nightmares. I woke up in cold sweats wanting nothing more than to make the trip go away. But it had to be done. I forced myself to go to the airport and get on the plane and surprisingly, I made it through the flight okay. I meditated half of the way there. After I arrived in Baltimore, I checked in and went to the convention center and tried to fit in. But the worst wasn’t over. That night in my hotel I had another panic attack. And this was a bad one. I could hardly breathe, the world was spinning, I couldn’t think straight, and I was all alone. What if something happened? Would anybody notice? What if my throat closed entirely and I couldn’t breathe? What if my heart palpitations are a heart attack? What if? What if? I was pretty sure I was going to die. I finally convinced myself…that if I updosed just a little, it might help me get through. I finally convinced myself, as so many of us do, that if I updosed just a little, it might help me get through. So, I did just that. I took another 0.25 mg going from 0.5 mg daily to 0.75 mg. It doesn’t sound like much, but with such a potent benzo as clonazepam, it doesn’t take much. It helped for a little while. I made it through the rest of the trip and returned home. But the truth is, I probably would have made it through the trip without updosing. It just didn’t feel like it at the time. It was six months before I started to taper down again. Updosing was a mistake, but we all make mistakes. I was in a challenging situation, and I did the best I could. When did you jump (take your last dose)? My last dose of clonazepam was on August 20, 2014. It was a great day, and I am so proud of that accomplishment. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end of the symptoms. In fact, it was barely the beginning. What were your withdrawal symptoms? Like most people going through benzo withdrawal, I suffered from a wide variety of symptoms that came and went through various stages of the process. This may look like a long list — and it is. Most people have far fewer symptoms than I did. Some of these symptoms were mild and periodic, but others were quite severe. Some of them lasted for only a few months, others, which I like to call my “greatest hits,” have been with me for years. I’ll go into more detail on these later but for now, here’s a quick rundown: Akathisia (inner restlessness) Anger/Irritability Anxiety/Depression Benzo Belly (digestive issues, abdominal distention) Body Sensations (tingling, numbness, pain) Cognitive Issues/Memory Loss Dizziness/Vertigo Emotional Blunting (being emotionally numb) Facial Paresthesia (the sensation of spiders on my face) Flushing/Sweating Heart Palpitations Inflammation Insomnia Muscle Tics/Tremors/Shaking Muscle Tightness/Aches/Pain/Pulls/Tears Panic Attacks Pelvic Floor Dysfunction/Groin Pain/Abdominal Pain Personality Changes Restless Legs Sensory Hypersensitivity (nasal for me) Slurred Speech Throat Tightening Thrush (oral infection) Tinnitus (ringing in the ears) Urinary Issues You weren’t kidding. It’s hard to believe you had all those symptoms. I know. I even have trouble believing it, and I lived through it. But it happened, and it’s still happening. I wish to hell it wasn’t. Do you think your symptoms are lasting longer than most others? Yes, definitely. I’m one of the 10–15% of long-term users who suffer from the protracted version of withdrawal. That puts me in the minority. My experience is extreme and is not a typical example of benzo withdrawal. Some have had symptoms 10 years or longer, but it’s rare. Most withdrawal experiences will be shorter in duration than what I experienced, and that’s excellent news. Do you think your symptoms are more severe than others? I know people who have tried to withdraw multiple times from a combination of drugs, including multiple benzos, and have yet to find success. I know people who haven’t been able to leave their bedrooms for days due to overwhelming pain and anxiety. I know people who have had seizures, convulsions, and even temporary paralysis. I know people who have lost jobs, friends, and even marriages. And I am very sorry to say, I also know people who didn’t make it and took their own lives. It’s tough to gauge the severity of my symptoms against others. It’s tough to gauge the severity of my symptoms against others. Our experience of benzo withdrawal is incredibly subjective. But do some have it worse than me? Absolutely! Many have had it far worse than me. And it pains me every day to think about what they’re going through. What do you think caused your protracted state? I have a few theories. I did make some mistakes during withdrawal. I tapered too quickly, especially toward the end. I updosed, which can cause problems. I also blindly took a specific antibiotic, which I later learned can aggravate withdrawal. And then there’s the Klonopin factor. Most agree that those who take clonazepam (Klonopin) long-term have a higher incidence of protracted withdrawal than the other benzos. Still, the real answer is that I have no idea. There are so many factors that can dictate what our withdrawal experience will be like, such as genetics, stress levels, mental stability, use duration, dosage, support systems, and diet. I may never know the real cause(s) of my extended symptoms, and that’s okay. For now, I’m just focused on healing. Did you work during your withdrawal? Some. I worked on this book throughout my withdrawal when I had time. It helped keep me sane. I think the process of researching, logging, writing, and reaching out to people in the benzo community kept me centered and focused. Before my taper, I was working as a contract screenwriter while teaching at college. I also helped organize and taught at various film festivals and conferences. I enjoyed working in the film industry and loved the writing and teaching. Unfortunately, my occasional writing contracts and adjunct college instructor salary didn’t do a lot to support my family. So, I returned to database work and got settled in the marketing firm in Boulder. I was moved out of the half-cube in the hallway and into my own private office, which helped significantly in managing my distractions and anxiety. The office where I was employed housed a division of the company that was focused on the natural food industry. So, I was surrounded by a lot of amazing people who were interested in eating and living a healthy life. I didn’t know it when I started, but that was the perfect place for me to be at that time. They offered yoga, massage, a gym with a ping-pong table, and allowed me to bring my dog to work. I enjoyed the environment and especially the people I was privileged to work with. I was tapering most of the time I was employed there. There were some hard times. Some real hard times. I tried to limit my sick days and worked from home on occasion as needed. I often traveled to corporate headquarters in NYC, which was very difficult at first, but over time I found ways to manage the stress. I converted my office into an anti-anxiety retreat with aromatherapy candles and soft lighting. I often worked through my lunches, but occasionally I would take this time to take a walk around the tree-lined streets, participate in a company-offered yoga class, or pop over to a nearby community center for some mid-day meditation. I buried myself in work which helped keep me focused. I did everything I could to mitigate my symptoms, and I believe I managed the situation quite well. I lasted four hours at the new job. But when promised advancements continually got delayed, I started to get restless and began to return calls from the recruiters who were contacting me. Database skills were in high demand at the time. After 18 months at that company, I accepted a new job with a financial services company in downtown Denver, which almost doubled my salary. I traded an excellent work environment for more money. It felt like a no-brainer at the time. I lasted four hours at the new job. Four hours? Seriously? This was not my proudest hour. I had a panic attack the first morning and quit before lunch. I have never done anything like that at a job before. On the bus ride home that morning, I just kept telling myself that this is not like me. What was going on? I was now in acute withdrawal. Tapering was a cake walk compared to this. It turns out that I had finished my taper and I was now in acute withdrawal. Tapering was a cake walk compared to this. My symptoms had kicked into overdrive. Plain and simple, I couldn’t handle the stressors of ordinary, everyday life. And a new job, in a very stressful, open-office environment with co-workers staring at me all day long, was something my mind and body just couldn’t handle. I so badly wanted to return to my office oasis at the previous job where I could manage my symptoms in private. But that ship had sailed. I couldn’t go back and ask for my job back. So, I went home, told my amazingly understanding wife that I was out-of-work, and started all over again. Were you able to find another job? Yes, for a while. I did database consulting for the next couple of years. I had two contracts with very prestigious companies, one for 12 months and the other for three. I was asked to extend both, but in the end, I had to leave each due to my health. These failures at work really took a hit on my already struggling self-esteem. I knew that the main culprit in all these scenarios was my withdrawal, but that was little consolation when I couldn’t provide for my family. Cognitive dysfunction, lack of short-term memory, and anxiety were the most significant problems at work. Oddly, I could still program in my core computer languages and develop database models in my sleep. Unfortunately, I couldn’t learn new systems. I still struggle with cognitive dysfunction today. It’s like there’s a wall. I still struggle with cognitive dysfunction today. It’s like there’s a wall. It’s incredibly frustrating and just plain frightening. And as the pressure increases, the insomnia increases, and all my symptoms shift into overdrive. In fact, at my last contract position, I excused myself from work one morning in a state of panic with uncontrollable shaking. I was dizzy, nauseous, and almost in tears. I had to call to have my wife pick me up and drive me home because I wouldn’t have been safe behind the wheel. That’s not me. I’ve always excelled in my career. I’ve developed some of the top systems for some of the largest corporations in the country, but I just can’t anymore. And that’s a very bitter realization to accept. So how are you doing now? I was four years benzo-free in August 2018. Just saying that feels good. Overall, I am doing well. Most days are good days, but I still have bad ones too. I struggle with my symptoms now and then and there are times that I let them get the better of me. Anxiety and cognitive issues are still a challenge, but I keep active and do my best to work around them. I also continue to have some insomnia, akathisia, tinnitus, paresthesia, and a few other mild symptoms, but I’ve learned to accept them, and they don’t bother me as much anymore. When I hit a wave, and my symptoms kick in, I remind myself of what it was like in the middle of withdrawal — on the worst of days — and remember how far I have come. I’m doing okay right now, and I know in my heart that I’m getting better every day. Update: October 2020 This story was originally published in my book in the fall of 2018. It is now two years later, and I am six years benzo-free. Much has happened since then. I have definitely improved and I am much happier than I was. Do I still have symptoms? Yes. I wish I could say otherwise, but that’s not the case. I still have issues with anxiety, cognition, and memory in addition to some lingering physical symptoms like facial parasthesia, periodic akathisia, pelvic floor dysfunction, and a few others. That being said, I am happy now and doing much better than I was during acute withdrawal. Part of my improvement is actual physiological healing. But part of it is also psychological. I’ve accepted my condition and learned to live with my limitations. I hope these limitations are temporary, but even if they aren’t, I know I will be okay. Trust me, it’s not as bad as it sounds. There is good and bad in everything in life. The trick is to find the good and celebrate it, while not allowing the bad to take you down. Thanks for reading my story. Please, leave a comment on our feedback form if you like. I’d love to hear from you. Keep calm, taper slowly, and take care of yourself, D 🙂 References Foster, D E. Benzo Free: The World of Anti-Anxiety Drugs and the Reality of Withdrawal. Erie, Colorado: Denim Mountain Press, 2018. https://easinganxiety.com/book. Share Your Story We are always looking for new stories to share. Please visit our feedback form if you’d like to share your story with our community. Thank you. Disclaimer All stories shared on Easing Anxiety are done so with the author’s permission. These stories are provided for informational purposes only and should never be considered medical advice. The views and opinions expressed within are those of the author only, and do not necessarily reflect those of Easing Anxiety or its founder. Stories presented on Easing Anxiety may contain triggering content for certain segments of the population. While provided as an informational resource to our community, some stories may not be beneficial to those who are sensitive to their content. Regarding benzodiazepine withdrawal or BIND, most people can withdraw safely, successfully, and without serious complications if they are informed and have a solid support system. Many of the stories shared on Easing Anxiety are extreme and should not be used to create any expectations of one’s individual experience. Please read the Ashton Manual formore information and work with your doctor. Withdrawal, tapering, or any other change in dosage of benzodiazepines, nonbenzodiazepines (Z-drugs), or any other prescription medication should only be done under the direct supervision of a licensed physician. View our complete disclaimer for more info.